It's hard to be what people expect of you. Many of them expect you to be good: a good son, a good brother, a good friend, a good boyfriend, a good husband, a good father, a good student, a good person. Many others expect you to succeed in your life, fulfilling your dreams and desires and, if it's possible, to help others fulfill theirs. Other people just hope you're not bad or simply that you are something or someone. It is very easy to ask someone something, but does anyone wonder if that someone is going to cost you what you ask? Some ask God to help them do that "something", others start but not end, some people used the efforts of others to do what they want and ,in a minority, are those who struggle and strive to meet its goal . I include myself in this latter group, although not for anyone. Today, I would do it to the two and a half that I have, others could, because for something I'm studying nursing, but I prefer not doing it.
Throughout my life I have worked hard to be what others wanted to go, but I'm tired. A few months ago, the mere fact that this person had had what he wanted from me and be happy with it, I would have sufficed, but, little by little, I've come to realize that as the others had more from me, the less I had, what he has done me wonder, "who thinks in myself?". How can it be that every time I ask someone for something no one is there to give me if I've always been there when all they needed? So little am I? How bad am I? I'm tired of giving and I guess that's why people is increasingly less appealing to me. I imagine that if there are no people in my life now, it is because previously only one was interested, and that I think is good. Although when I need a shoulder to mourn or a hand to rely on, I have nothing (this may sound very selfish if the two and a half people in my liferead that, but I think I have made it quite clear that they are not in that bag) and it makes me feel sad. Maybe one day I have nothing and no one, because if I have been able to lose much, who tells me I can not just lose what little I have left? So, I do like people when hars raining: I shall endeavor to see if I'm enough to be in someone's life, I will see what I am and what I'm worth and I will try to be someone, time will tell me. I just hope never to be a blue caterpillar seeks a sheet under which shelter from the rain and, in its endless search streams by the stampede, dies from the tears of heaven.
Listening to: Pan's Labyrinth song
Playing: to live